Lost In the Sea of Life

Life can really screw you. Or it might turn out like a Disney story. 

I met Kev along the streets of Nairobi a few weeks back. He still had his wide grin and bubbly personality that could keep a whole village warm during a winter night. Kev is a kind-hearted human being, generous and an agreeable fellow to a fault. He also had such great footballing skills, I always envisaged him playing for the great Manchester United. He actually had a stint playing for a local Premier league, albeit on a trial basis. As he had no money to bribe some connected individuals, his spot was taken by a lesser talent who sadly had more well-oiled hands than him. So up in flames, went his footballing dream.

While he still looked for his 40 years, his eyes looked hollow and haunted. He had the look of a war veteran, like a person who had seen too much suffering, death and had had his soul wrung dry. I was excited to reconnect with by childhood friend and I had some time to idle away, I suggested we find a nice place and reminisce over a cup of tea. We found a nice restaurant that had both a bar and a kitchen. Being a Saturday afternoon, we were met with an air that smelled like a combination of body sweat, sex, food and booze. While not ideal for a romantic date, but it sufficed just fine for two males looking for a quiet place to reminisce and catch up. Slow background music and the cool ambience had a cute soothing effect on my own troubled thoughts. Kev ordered a strong whisky and took a huge gulp. I ordered myself a cold beer to down my sorrows and enjoy a brief moment of calmness and happiness, before I headed back to my nagging wife.

After high school and the failed footballing stint, Kev had joined some small time college, where he got his accounting certification, which paved way to his current accounting profession. While the career ladder hadn’t been too smooth and eventful, he had a comfortable job that would be the envy of many underpaid and unemployed people in Nairobi, until five months back. The Covid pandemic and an unfortunate incident involving his wife caused him to lose his job. Most job applications and calls to his acquaintances and friends came back with “we will let you know if something comes up”. His little savings were almost depleted. He was now living hand to mouth, hoping, yet resigned to whatever fate had in store. A man’s ego and sense of identity are killed when they lose an income and sense of importance.

His two kids, a product of a troublesome marriage were what kept him going. While he was resigned to fate and faced a possible trip upcountry to salvage what was remaining of his mundane life, he still wanted to give his kids some education and affection. Having been raised by an aunt, following the tragic death of his parents on his twelfth birthday, he didn’t want his kids to grow feeling unloved, fatherless and alone like he had. Although his aunt had been a great guardian; being raised in another family comes with a number of challenges; lack, low self-esteem, abuse and little to no affection. He didn’t know how and whether he could amicably co-parent with his estranged wife. The ruckus she raised at his workplace that was part of the reason he was let go. Kev seemed like a man who had lived with a devil for years. The embarrassing moments with friends and family, snide remarks, titrated affection and sex, back-handed comments on his masculinity, brazen affairs and an accompanying loss of virility and esteem seemed to have eroded self-esteem significantly.

As he poured his heart out, I wondered what options he had left. The economic situation didn’t have a bright end in sight, a broken family, bruised ego, frail sense of self, losses from bad investments and loud thoughts that he wasn’t good enough can break even the strongest of men. How could things go so bad and where would he start? The last thing that dies in a man is hope and Kev’s share of hope was at critical point. We talked till 9 and to leave to beat the curfew. Yet I couldn’t muster enough words to encourage him. We planned to meet up more often and catch up.

Walking back, I mulled over my own bland life. What would I do if I lost it all? Would I become homeless? I wondered what I would do if I got a life altering medical condition, got divorced, got laid off, or lost everything. Seeing the suffering of others and experiencing eureka moments of understanding how fickle reality and life has the effect of turning us into introspective humans. We become more mindful of our own lives, decisions, choices and situations. Hopefully we can more mindful of our neighbors, strangers and friends and be a blessing to them. Most people are suffering in their own unique way; every smile, kindness and thoughtfulness can go a long way in brightening their day and lives.

Article first published at https://makalanga.wordpress.com/